mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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