We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
