This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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