"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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