stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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