Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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