So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
