Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
