I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
