It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
