He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
