That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
