she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
