I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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