You just made me feel so damn special
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
