i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
