I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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