She went from zero to smokin in five shots
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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