She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
