Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
