can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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