i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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