dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
