nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
