; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize