check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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