Sry I called you an 8
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This baby is an asshole
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
