Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
