So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
