I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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