The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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