Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
