I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i think i just lost a toe
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
