I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
