I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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