so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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