College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i've created a new STD.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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