Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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