I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize