dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
