if you like me you must not know who I am
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
