Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is

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  (586): So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is http://tfl.nu/xff6
  Replies (3) Good night (704) Bad night (1200)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low

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  (704): so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low http://tfl.nu/2nm4
  Replies (4) Good night (769) Bad night (1551)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone

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  (404): i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone http://tfl.nu/jdpw
  Replies (44) Good night (2931) Bad night (534)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.

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  (518): i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke. http://tfl.nu/bbix
  Replies (24) Good night (4163) Bad night (752)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.

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  (289): I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone. http://tfl.nu/rtzl
  Replies (13) Good night (2393) Bad night (3946)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard

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  (603): You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard http://tfl.nu/mdqr
  Replies (12) Good night (1208) Bad night (4220)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.

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  (404): My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck. http://tfl.nu/0ivr
  Replies (11) Good night (4706) Bad night (1281)
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  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

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  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (4004) Bad night (1434)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

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  (305): quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you http://tfl.nu/hg35
  Replies (9) Good night (5250) Bad night (902)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty

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  (505): koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty http://tfl.nu/dl5w
  Replies (29) Good night (1534) Bad night (4151)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"

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  (905): Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious" http://tfl.nu/f3vn
  Replies (4) Good night (2908) Bad night (728)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sorry. Im on my way.

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  (608): When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face. (262): Sorry. Im on my way. http://tfl.nu/us1r
  Replies (23) Good night (6095) Bad night (901)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.

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  (734): I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW. http://tfl.nu/ynr9
  Replies (10) Good night (2482) Bad night (530)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?

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  (410): I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/lwsg
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (319)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'

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  (440): Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.' http://tfl.nu/rdeh
  Replies (2) Good night (262) Bad night (376)

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