Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

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(713): View more from Texas

So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?

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(214): View more from Texas

Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(407): View more from Florida

I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises

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(806): View more from Texas

Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

(1-806): View more from Texas

Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!

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(513): View more from Ohio

It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs

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