So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.