So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
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I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs