got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.