I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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