i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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