Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
