you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
