miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
