I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
