I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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