she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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