I feel like I'm in dance class right now
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize