just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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