Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
