matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
