I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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