too bad you live with your parents still
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
