i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
