I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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