make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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